The Isaias Afwerki Bullshit Generator

Our ኮብላሊ president is back to Asmara (transit via Adi Halo)  from his frequent-flyer trips to Ethiopia.  Since this is his first address to Eritreans since the peace treaty with Ethiopia, he will be asked tough questions such as: “what did you mean when you said, ‘we lost nothing’ when every Eritrean family lost a lot in the last 20 years?”  “What did you mean when you told Prime Minister Abiy Ahmed  ‘…from now on, you are in charge of all affairs that concern us’?”  What did you mean, “Henceforth, anyone who says Eritreans and Ethiopians are two different peoples doesn’t understand history.” When are you going to release prisoners?  When will you limit the national service to 18 months?  When are you going to give people their right to decide whether to keep you as president or fire you? And, lastly, why do you look so happy in Ethiopia and so miserable in Eritrea?

Seriously, what’s going on here? Did Ethiopia propose to you?

via GIPHY

No, of course not.   We are talking about “state media” where the State is Isaias so here come the scripted questions, each requiring a 20-minute “answer.”

You can spend hours, hoping in vain, that Eritrean President Isaias Afwerki will say something–anything–that makes sense. You could invent a drinking game where you take a shot any time he mentions “Weyane” (warning: you will not be able to operate heavy equipment by the time the interview is over.) And when you are done, people will ask you “what did he say?” and you won’t remember anything? No worries: here’s the Isaias Afwerki Bullshit Generator: just pick any subject, any verb, any object, any filler from each column and you will have constructed the entire speech or interview with Eri-TV of Isaias Afwerki, every single time. (Be sure to expand the list: there are 20 rows, 4 columns.)

(Originally published March 3, 2018)